Look good

Okay, we know it’s superficial in some ways, but appearances do matter! When you're having a ‘good hair’ day, do you somehow have more confidence? When you're having a ‘thin’ day, do you somehow have more energy and enthusiasm? When you're exfoliated, de-fuzzed and drenched in moisturiser, do you somehow have more mojo?! Rightly or wrongly, for many of us, it seems that our emotions are inextricably linked with our appearance. We feel good when we think we look good. (Or, alternatively, perhaps we think we look good because we’re feeling good?) It takes more than a few compliments from other people to change this - we have to learn to love ourselves and our looks!

Of course, these days, there are plenty of things you can do to enhance your appearance. It is possible to get fit and tone up, for example, although it might be hard work! We can transform ourselves very effectively with make up, hairdressing, styling and, for anyone prepared to take drastic action, cosmetic surgery. But some things just have to be accepted. At 6 foot tall with fair skin and blue eyes, I will never look like Penelope Cruz!

So here are our top ten tips to help you do as much as you can to look as good as you can ...

1. Look after yourself
2. Learn to like inside and out
3. Stand tall and have confidence
4. Get well groomed
5. Make the most of your make up
6. Dress to suit yourself, nobody else!
7. Bring colour to your wardrobe
8. Accessorise
9. Accept compliments graciously!
10. Remember the real beauty ‘rules’

1. Look after yourself

Most of the experts say the same thing: ‘beauty comes from inside’. Of course, this is referring to three things: the kind of person you are, the way you feel about yourself and the way you live your life, all of which are reflected on the outside. However, on a purely physical level, if you don’t look after yourself, you’re unlikely to look your best. For the sake of your appearance, not to mention your long-term health and wellbeing, you need to eat a nutritious diet, drink plenty of water, get enough exercise and enough rest. The importance of this last point doesn’t really register until you have a baby and suddenly find out what sleep deprivation does to you, both physically and mentally! And, apparently, poor sleep is linked to weight gain ... so you get the double whammy of being knackered and having a muffin top!

With the best will in the world, it’s not always easy to look after yourself when you’ve also got children to look after, especially when they’re small. But this is one area where, if you possibly can, you have to be assertive and claim the time. You are a lot less beneficial to your family if you’re exhausted, run down, fed up or ill. So prioritise yourself, to some extent at least. Put the emphasis on eating well (see eat well), exercising (see feel fit) and sleeping ... and sod the housework!

2. Learn to like yourself inside and out

If you don’t like yourself you’ll probably never be happy with your appearance. And it won’t matter what anyone else says or thinks about it! Equally, if you do like yourself, you’ll almost certainly like the way you look ... flaws and all. In the words of Whitney Houston, “learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all.” Unfortunately, for many people, it’s also a real challenge.

There is a multitude of books on this subject, so if it’s something that you think you need to work at, try looking in the resources section for further reading. All we can do here is make a few suggestions that might help you to start the journey:

• Look for - and focus on - the things you do like about yourself as a person. Every time you start beating yourself up about something, stop and be kind to yourself instead. You may not be the world’s most organised person, for example, but you are exceptionally creative! You may not done it absolutely perfectly - this time - but you did do your best, and you did it well enough. That kind of thing. You have to change the way you think about yourself and talk to yourself.
• In the same vein, focus on what you like about your appearance, rather than getting too hung up on what you don’t like. For example, when you look in the mirror, think “okay, so I may have a bit of a muffin top but I’ve also got great legs and a nice neat bum!” Then draw attention to your good points.
• Stop comparing yourself with other people, and don’t buy magazines or watch TV programmes that are going to make you feel bad. What are you, a masochist?!
• Put it into context - some people are starving to death, others are being killed and maimed, others are dealing with major illnesses, disabilities and disfigurements. How much does a muffin top really matter in the grand scheme of things?

There is a whole lot more to you than what you look like.

3. Stand tall and have confidence

Posture is hugely important, not just for what you look like but also for your back and overall wellbeing. Poor posture has been linked to a number of health complaints such as headaches, depression, digestive problems and, of course, back pain - the cause of nearly 5 million days off work each year. If you think you need to work on yours, try the Alexander Technique.

A person’s posture speaks volumes - it tells you how they feel about themselves. If you slump and slouch, you’re not going to come across as a woman brimming with self-confidence. If, on the other hand, you stand tall (physically and metaphorically), smile and look people in the eye, then you’re far more likely to create a positive impression. And even if you don’t feel confident, just pulling your shoulders back and your stomach in can help you to act “as if” you do!

4. Get well groomed

Some of the world’s most well-known ‘beauties’ say that they always notice “teeth, hair and hands” or “shoes and bags”. In other words, the little things can really count. There’s not much point wearing a fabulous outfit if your hair is unkempt and you’ve got grubby fingernails. (Well, okay, there are a few people who can get away with it, but not many!) In contrast, it’s possible to look amazingly well-groomed in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt if your hair is clean, shiny and well-cut, your nails are nicely manicured, your teeth and skin are in good condition ... oh, and your shoes are polished. Of course, once again, these are the things that can easily go by the board when you’ve got small children. Somehow, you’re always the last person to get into the bathroom and you barely have time to have a wee, let alone wax your legs or paint your toenails!

So, what do you do? Looking after yourself from the inside (see tip 1) will help to ensure that your eyes, skin, teeth, hair and nails are healthy. Then develop good habits - cleanse, tone, moisturise, depilate and exfoliate religiously. Make it a routine. In addition, set aside an hour or two a week to catch up on other grooming ‘jobs’ like doing your feet and cleaning your shoes! Use products that help - fast-drying, long-lasting nail varnish, for example. Book yourself in for regular haircuts, and any other treatments you can afford. And remember, if nothing else, make sure you’re clean and sweet-smelling. People can forgive the odd bit of snot on your T-shirt, but not an unwashed bod!

5. Make the most of your make up

Are you the kind of woman who never goes out without the full face on, or the kind of woman who rarely does more than a dab of lipstick and a stroke of mascara? Wherever you fall on the spectrum, there seems to be one inescapable fact: when it’s done well, make up can make you look better, when it’s done badly, it can make you look worse! So, whether you prefer to live life ‘au naturel’ or to take advantage of any cosmetic enhancement going, the key is to learn what works for you.

If you haven’t already mastered the art of making yourself up beautifully, it might be worth going to a department store and having a few mini makeovers with different companies. Get a feel for the kind of looks and colours that suit you. Find out what the latest trends are and get advice on how to apply them in a way that feels right for you. For example, electric blue eyeshadow might be all the rage this summer, but it won’t necessarily look good on a fair-skinned forty-something like me! A hint of electric blue eyeliner, however, might just bring me up-to-date in a more mature and subtle kind of a way. I hope! At the end of the day, you can go one of two ways: daring or classic. The choice is yours. Just do it well, whatever you do.

6. Dress to suit yourself, nobody else!

Clothes can work for you or against you, just like make up! It doesn’t matter what everyone else is wearing, it matters what suits you. After all, unless you’re an art student, what’s the point of being fashionable if you look ridiculous?! You’ve probably already worked out the kind of things that enhance your colouring and body shape, but if you haven’t, take some advice. Ask friends and family which outfits you look best in and why. Get someone whose style and opinions you respect to go through your wardrobe with you. Think about how you feel in your clothes. Are there some things in which you feel really confident, and others in which you’d rather not see anyone?! Get rid of clothes that don’t make you feel and/or look good. Above all, make sure that you only wear clothes that fit properly and are neither too big nor too small.

And, to be more specific, here are a few guidelines around dressing to suit your body shape:

• boyish - don’t try to create curves, just celebrate the fact that most clothes are designed for people like you!
• curvy - draw attention to your waist and your curves above and below; make the most of your hourglass shape; accentuate your femininity
• apple-shaped - avoid clothes that reveal the bulge round your middle; wear wide-legged trousers, A-line skirts and chunkier shoes to balance out your bigger top half
• pear-shaped - wear darker colours and structured clothes to minimise your bottom half; draw attention to your top half with bold patterns and colours
• big busted - show off your cleavage (but not too much of it) in V-neck and wraparound tops; avoid high-necked tops; wear fuller skirts to balance out your top half
• voluptuous: wear clothes in the right size (not too small!), keep lines long, avoid anything baggy, saggy or clingy, celebrate your size!

The next tip is all about how to use colour to enhance your appearance ...

7. Bring colour to your wardrobe

I’ll never forget a pale yellow jumper I had when I was younger that made me look positively ill! It was amazing how it could instantly drain all the colour from my face and have my mum ready to call the doctor. Needless to say I’ve never bought any yellow clothes since. Finding out which colours to wear, and which to avoid, can save you an awful lot of money ... quite apart from helping you to look your best. If you’re anything like me, it can also help you to break away from the boredom of black!

Most colour analysis works on describing someone’s colouring as a season: spring, summer, autumn or winter. There are two characteristics that determine which season's palette suits you best - warm or cool, and clear or muted.

Warm skin tones tend to have yellow undertones (often seen as golden or sallow), while cool ones have blue (often seen as red cheeks or slight ruddiness). To find out which you are, hold pieces of silver and gold paper / fabric up at your neck, against your face. If the gold suits best, your colouring is warm. If the silver brings you to life, your colouring is cool.

If your coloring is clear, you’ll tend to have a strong contrast between your hair, skin and eyes and your skin will have a slight translucent quality. If your colouring is more muted, however, there will be a less noticeable contrast and you may have some ash tones in your coloring. Your coloring will probably be softer than that of a clear person.

So, based on that, which season are you?

• Spring = warm and clear
  - suit warm, clear colours such as salmon pink and lime green
• Autumn = warm and muted
  - suit warm, muted colours like olive green or terracotta
• Winter = cool and clear
  - suit cool, clear colours such as black, white and navy blue
• Summer = cool and muted
  - suit cool, muted colours such as airforce blue, grey and pastels

This is just a very basic insight but it might help you to see why some colours work for you and others don’t. If you can’t afford to go for a professional colour analysis, why not get together with a friend and have a go at assessing each other? Go through each other’s wardrobes and sort clothes into ones that work, ones that don’t, and ones that could with a little careful accessorising. Knowing your ‘season’ can open up a whole new world of colour, allow you to be more daring in the clothes you buy and give you confidence that the choices you make will bring out the best in you.

8. Accessorise

Another thing that many models and fashion ‘gurus’ swear by is the power of the well-chosen accessory! A simple outfit can be made spectacular with the right bag, shoes or jewellery. And whilst we’re not advocating spending a month’s salary on the latest ‘it’ bag, accessories can be the quickest way to bring classic clothes up to the minute. Rather than trying to change your entire wardrobe every season (chance would be a fine thing!), it’s far easier, and probaby cheaper, to buy a few accessories that are bang ‘on trend’. Another advantage of this approach is that it allows you to try out a particular trend without going the whole hog! So, whilst fluorescent from head to toe is a look best saved for the young and brave, a pair of bright yellow shoes or a dayglo pink bag shows that you’re still in touch but have a bit more class these days!

Not only can accessories add punctuation to a particular outfit, you can also use them to develop and express your own personal style. For example, if you’re a bit of a hippy chick at heart, you might choose accessories with an ethnic vibe. If you’re a drama queen, you might opt for ‘show off’ jewellery that creates a real talking point. If you’re dainty and ladylike, you might make kitten heels and clutch bags your trademark. Ask ten women to accessorise the same outfit and you’d probably get ten very different ‘looks’, reflecting their individual styles and personalities. That’s the power of the well-chosen accessory.

9. Accept compliments graciously

Okay, you’re looking good ... and someone has the nerve to tell you! What do you do? Are you guilty of lines like: “you’re joking, aren’t you, you obviously haven’t seen the enormous spot on my chin!”? (And no, they hadn't, until you pointed it out!) Put yourself in the other person's shoes. It's really quite offensive, not to mention frustrating, to have a well-meant compliment thrown back in your face. So, rather than letting it slide off you like water off a duck’s back, listen to what's been said and appreciate it! It doesn’t matter whether you agree with it or not, always accept a compliment graciously. A smile and a ‘thank you’ should do the trick.

10. Remember the real beauty ‘rules’

Take a tip from Audrey Hepburn, whose well-known thoughts on beauty (actually written by Sam Levonson on her behalf) reflected her way of life:

“Rule 1: For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
Rule 2: For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
Rule 3: For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
Rule 4: For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her hands through it once a day.
Rule 5: For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
Rule 6: People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw anyone away.
Rule 7: Remember, if you need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.
Rule 8: As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode, but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives and the passion that she shows. The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years.”

Let’s all strive to remember this.