career and business - get back to your career
Get back to your career
Not everyone wants to be a full-time stay-at-home mum, or can afford to be! For many mums, the reality is that they’ll be going back to work at some point after their children are born, whether that’s a few weeks or a few years later. So how do you plan a return to your career? To some extent, this depends on whether you are able to go back to your previous job, or whether you need to find a new one. The tips here apply to both scenarios:
- Think about your reasons
- Remember what you have to offer
- Time it right
- Work out your ideal scenario
- Find childcare you can trust
- Negotiate for what you want
- Get organised
- Create your own support network
- Be flexible
- Let go of the guilt
First and foremost, reflect on why you are going back to work. You may think this is a two-second process - after all, you have to work in order to pay the mortgage! Or you may just be desperate to get out of the house and get yourself a life again! Stop for a minute, though, and really reflect on it. Is this the right solution for you and your family as a whole? Is there another way of achieving what you want and need? Brainstorm all your options, with your partner if appropriate, before making any decision. It’s easy for us to feel that we have no choices ... when we almost certainly do. At least if you consider all the possible routes you could take and rule most of them out for one reason or another, you will know that you are making a choice!
This is not about encouraging you to stay at home with your children if you don’t want to. It’s about making sure that you are thinking creatively in terms of how you approach your life. Having a child forces most of us to take a ‘pause’ (however short or long) from our careers, and also tends to turn our priorities upside down! Use this as an opportunity to reassess what you want for your future.
2. Remember what you have to offer
The flipside of taking a break from your career, especially if it’s more than a few months, is that you may forget what it was all about! Many mums feel that they get sucked into a parallel universe of nappies, purées and baby talk, and lose confidence in their ability to operate in any other world. It’s really important to get this confidence back ... if possible before you return to work or start looking for a new job. Have a look at your CV. Spend some time thinking about what you have achieved, and your specific experience, skills and strengths. Make a list of everything you used to do well in your job, and add to it all the extra things you have learnt to do well having had children. Look at transferrable skills - running a household is a lot like running a small business! Enlist the help of people who knew you as a successful career woman - your colleagues, your partner, your friends, your parents. Get out the clothes you used to wear and the ‘tools of your trade’, and do whatever you can to get back into work mode. And remember, even if you don’t feel all that confident just yet, act as if you do!
You’ll know if the time is right for you to return to work ... just as you’ll know deep down if it’s too soon. Listen to your instincts and resist any pressure to go back before you’re ready. The process of having a child is a massive one, physically and emotionally, and it’s completely natural to need time to adjust. Everything changes, in one fell swoop. Even if you’ve already got children, another one coming along can create a whole new dynamic. Some of us struggle to get to grips with being a parent, whilst others find they just want to retreat into a bubble with their baby and ignore the rest of the world. Look after yourself and your family first, and let work wait a while. If you’ve got an employer, just make sure you talk to them - explain how you’re feeling and see if you can extend your maternity leave. If you’ve been at home for more than a year and are not yet ready to go back to work, chances are it’s because you don’t want to (see tip 1) and/or are lacking confidence (see tip 2). Whatever the situation, take care of you! Happy mums make for happy families.
4. Work out your ideal scenario
Okay, so we’re assuming that you’ve now decided you do want to return to your career. What would your ideal scenario be, and how could it be achieved? What days and hours would you prefer to work? Would you like more flexibility in terms of where you work - for example, being able to work from home sometimes? Is it really realistic for you to do that? Are there any aspects of your role that you’re no longer comfortable with - for example, overnight stays away? If you’re wanting to reduce your hours, think about how the shortfall could be covered - for example, by a job-share partner, another part-timer or ...? Make sure you can afford your ideal scenario!
As a parent, you have the right to ask your employer for flexible working arrangements and they are required by law to give your request full consideration ... but that doesn’t mean they have to agree to it! Help yourself by making a strong case to show how the situation could work out to everyone’s benefit. Write your thoughts down so that you can refer to them in your negotiations.
5. Find childcare you can trust
It’s a bit of a chicken-and-egg scenario - job before childcare or childcare before job?! In reality, you probably need to think about both in tandem. Some parents start looking at childcare options almost as soon as their baby’s been born (if not before) - not such a bad idea given nursery waiting lists these days! If you’ve set your heart on a particular childcare provider, you may have to try and fit your working hours in and around what they can offer. So there would be no point asking to work Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays if they couldn’t care for your child on those days. Alternatively, you might decide to choose your childcare based on those providers who can offer what you need. It’s up to you. The most important thing, though, is for you to feel comfortable leaving your children with whoever is looking after them. If you don’t, it will affect your ability to settle at work. You must have reliable childcare that you can trust, it’s as simple as that. Put time and effort into researching providers and then build a positive relationship with your chosen one. It’ll pay off.
6. Negotiate for what you want
Obviously, if you are looking for a new job, you can use the thoughts you have about your ideal scenario (see tip 4) as a way of ‘filtering’ the vacancies you come across. Remember, also, that it’s possible to apply for a full-time job and then, if you are offered the job, ask for it on a part-time or job-share basis at that stage. Whilst not necessarily the best way to endear yourself to a new employer, you are entitled to do it. If you see a role that’s really right for you, it might be worth considering this approach.
If you’re going back to your previous job or employer, talk to your boss about your hours, working pattern and any possible flexibility well before you start. It’s much harder to change things once you are back in the thick of it. Be flexible but firm in your negotiations, and be careful not to agree to anything you’ll later regret. If possible, it’s better to under-commit yourself at first, then build up to more hours or responsibility once you’ve had a chance to settle back in and establish a routine. And before you commit to anything, be honest with yourself - can you really, realistically, do the hours and working pattern that you’re talking about?
Even if you managed to muddle on through your former life quite successfully, you’ll find it nigh on impossible to operate as a working mum if you don’t get organised! That means establishing some kind of routine and putting in place a few sensible systems and procedures. For example, lay out your own and your children’s clothes, and make packed lunches, the night before. Make sure that the kids help to tidy up before bed. Spend an hour a week planning your meals - this not only makes shopping easier but also means whoever gets home first knows what to start cooking! Even better, have a mammoth cooking session at the weekend and make loads of nutritious meals that you can just heat up during the week. Do a monthly online shop for all your dry groceries, cleaning stuff, etc, so that you only have to pick up fresh produce. Create laminated lists for everything, right down to what should be in your child’s bag for nursery. Keep a main calendar in a central location on which you can post everyone’s different activities. Above all else, set priorities, be clear about what matters most and focus on working smarter, not harder.
8. Create your own support network
It’s not always easy to admit that you can’t do everything on your own, and that you’re not superwoman after all! Sometimes, however, you just have to ask for help … or allow yourself to be helped when someone offers. Get your partner and children involved - work together as a team. Recruit friends, family, neighbours, bosses and work colleagues, and ask for their support. Create back-up and emergency plans just in case, for example, a child is ill, or has an accident at school, or you’re stuck in traffic on the way home from work. You’ll feel far more relaxed if you know that other people are there to help out if necessary. Just remember that it’s a two way street and you need to do your bit to help them out too.
It’s all very well being organised, but even the best laid plans can go to pot in an instant when you have children! Don’t get too comfortable because as soon as you seem to have things under control, they change! You’ll find it a lot less frustrating if you can just go with the flow. You may have intended your day to pan out a particular way but, if it doesn’t, the trick is to accept it, make the best of it and look for the good in whatever has happened. Become an expert at improvising and making it up as you go along. And don’t hold it against yourself, or your kids, when the jobs don’t get done. In the grand scheme of things, most of what we sweat about is “small stuff”!
It can be a tough realisation, but becoming a mum often means that we have to give up our original goals (at least for a while) and replace them with new goals to do with our families. These bring different challenges and different rewards, but often prove to be far more meaningful. Focus on what really matters to you, and relax about the rest.
Guilt is a great big waste of energy and keeps you going round and round in circles. Yet, for some reason, it also seems to be an integral part of many mums’ lives, especially if they go out to work. There’s the guilt about not being there full time for your children and missing the school sports day, versus the guilt about not being able to contribute to the family finances or use the education your parents paid for! Then there’s always the guilt about not keeping on top of the housework, not cooking every meal from scratch and not being in the mood for ‘lurve’ every night! Wow! That’s a whole lot of guilt we beat ourselves up with. Why? What’s the point?
Guilt doesn’t help anyone, least of all you. Review the decisions you’ve made. Are you happy with them? If not, take action to make changes. Even if you can’t do something different straightaway, you can put plans in place to move you in the right direction. If, on the other hand, you’re content with the choices you’ve made, then you have no need to feel guilt. We live in an age of unrealistic expectations, and the first one to get rid of is the expectation that you can ever be a perfect parent. You can’t - there’s no such thing! You’ll get it right sometimes and wrong at other times. So let go of your guilt and show your children that you feel okay about yourself and your decisions. You are doing the best that you can.
