Have fun

When life is full-on busy, often the first thing to fall by the wayside is ... you’ve guessed it ... fun! Preoccupied by our list of jobs to do, weighed down by our responsibilities, it’s easy to forget to just lighten up and have a laugh. Perhaps we think we haven’t got time. Or perhaps we feel we really shouldn’t when there’s so much else to get done. Or perhaps we just forget how to have fun! And yet, the ability to let go and enjoy yourself can be one of the best forms of stress relief. It can actually help to keep you sane!

Of course, some of us are better at having fun than others, but we can all re-discover the ability. Children are the best people to learn from. In fact, most parents will say (on good days!) that they have more fun with their kids than anyone else. Little ones have this amazing ability to live in the moment, completely uninhibited, and to squeeze the maximum amount of pleasure and amusement from any everyday situation. And we all know how infectious and utterly irresistible a child’s peal of giggles can be!

So, just in case you feel like you’ve forgotten how to have fun, here are our top ten tips:

1. Think about what fun means to you
2. Work out what stops you having fun
3. List your favourite fun activities
4. Create a plan of action for ‘play time’
5. Lighten up and look for the humour in life
6. Join, or start, a laughter club
7. Learn a few really good jokes, and share them
8. Create your own comedy store
9. Do something different
10. Re-discover the ‘kid’ in you!

1. Think about what fun means to you

You might think it’s obvious, but if you asked ten different people the same question, everyone would probably have a different ‘definition’ of what fun means to them. So when you’re looking for ways to create more fun in your life, it helps to be clear on exactly what you’re after! Does it have to be a belly laugh or can it just be a warm sense of enjoyment? Does it have to involve other people or can you have fun on your own? How do you know when you’re having fun? How do you feel? And, perhaps more to the point, how often do you have fun? Is it something that’s really important to you, or do other things always come first?

2. Work out what stops you having fun

There are lots of things that can get in the way of fun, if we let them. For example:

• poor time management
• an overly serious attitude
• getting your responsibilities out of perspective
• never having had healthy role models for having fun
• lack of money
• lack of permission from self, partner, family or others to take the time to have fun
• not recognising or being receptive to fun even when it’s staring you in the face
• irrational beliefs, such as:

• We can’t relax until we’re financially secure.
• I feel so guilty when I’m doing nothing.
• There’ too much to do and not enough time to have fun.
• I feel so selfish when I’m enjoying myself.
• There’s no point playing unless you play to win.
• How can I maintain my authority if I have fun with my children / co-workers ...?
• The only way I can have fun is by drinking / doing drugs / eating / shopping ...

So how is it that some people seem to be able to find or create fun even in the midst of all the pressure and stress of grown-up life! The simple answer is, they either don’t see any barriers to fun or they find ways round them. Why do they do that? Because they think fun is important!

Take a look at your own personal beliefs and the things that you consider to be barriers to fun. Are they real or perceived? Get your partner or a friend to challenge them. How valid are your excuses for not having fun?

3. List your favourite fun activities

Get a big piece of paper and divide it into 6 columns.

Column 1 - Fun activities
Write a list of everything (big or small) you would enjoy doing and classify as fun. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve ever done it or not - if you think it might be fun, write it down! Make sure you get at least 40 activities.

Column 2 - Date
Write down roughly when you last did each activity ... or just leave it blank if you’ve never done it.

Column 3 - Duration
Write down roughly how long you spent doing each activity ... or just leave it blank if you’ve never done it.

Column 4 - Expense
Write down approximately how much it costs / would cost to do each activity.

Column 5 - People
Write down who you normally do each activity with (or, if it’s something you’ve never done before, who you would like to do it with). Do you do it on your own? With your partner? With your children? With one friend or with a group of friends?

Column 6 - Frequency
Against each activity you’ve done before, write down roughly how often you’ve done it. Is it something you do every day? At weekends? Only when you’re on holiday? Only when you’re in a certain place? Or once in a blue moon?

Now have a good look at your list and think about what it’s telling you. Do you reserve fun only for family holidays, for example, or for a monthly night out with your girlfriends? Do you tend to look for fun with other people and neglect the opportunities that exist for you to have fun on your own? Is there a particular person always associated with your fun? Do you unwittingly price yourself out of fun by only wanting to do expensive activities? Do you postpone fun because you think you haven’t got enough time, when actually there are lots of things you’d like to do that wouldn’t take long?

Try to get a feel for any patterns and tendencies. The best way to get more fun in your life is to maximise the number of different opportunities for fun.

4. Create a plan of action for ‘play time’

This might seem completely contradictory to the spontaneous nature of fun, but sometimes you do have to schedule it in! Otherwise, the demands of daily living can steal away your precious ‘play time’ and before you know it, there goes another week / month / year!

So, look back at your list from tip 3 and then get another sheet of paper and divide it into 4 columns.

Column 1 - Daily fun activities
Write at the top ‘I commit to spending [insert time - eg. 15 minutes] each day doing an activity from this list’

Column 2 - Weekly fun activities
Write at the top ‘I commit to spending [insert time - eg. 2 hours] each week doing an activity from this list’

Column 3 - Monthly fun activities
Write at the top ‘I commit to spending [insert time - eg. half a day] each month doing an activity from this list’

Column 4 - Yearly fun activities
Write at the top ‘I commit to spending [insert time - eg. 1 week] each year doing an activity from this list’

Transfer the activities from your previous list into the appropriate column(s) here, and add any new ones that you think of as you’re doing it. The idea is to get as wide a range of fun options as possible ... as long as they appeal to you! Now get your diary out and, wherever you think you need to, actually schedule the time in. You may think it’s crazy to book a slot to play with your dog / children / partner each evening, but perhaps it’s more crazy not to?! Research shows that things are far more likely to happen if we write them down!

5. Lighten up and look for the humour in life

It’s easier said than done, but one of the most effective ways to find more fun in your life is to just “lighten up”! Stop taking yourself and your life so seriously. After all, we are but specks of dust in the universe and there’s not much that REALLY matters in the grand scheme of things. And it’s certainly not the ironing! Or the wrinkles round your eyes.

Look around you and notice all the amusing, quirky, idiosyncratic bits and pieces that go on. Take pleasure in your own idiosyncrasies. Instead of beating yourself up about stuff, laugh at yourself.

See if you can change the way you perceive the world, so that you appreciate the warmth, joy and humour in it. Mix with people who do this naturally and you’ll find that it rubs off on you. Make a commitment: “I will surround myself with people who can laugh at themselves in a healthy manner and who can make me laugh as well. These people and I will be mutual fun seekers for health and sanity.”

Remember, what you focus on is what you get. If you seek out things to make you smile, that’s what you’ll find. And bear in mind that what makes one (wo)man grumpy is another (wo)man’s funny story!

Stick smiley faces on your dashboard, mirror and computer to remind you to lighten up.

6. Join, or start, a laughter club

Laughter is part of the universal human vocabulary. Everyone understands it, and everyone is born with the capacity to do it. Laughter is safe and pleasant. It promotes connectedness between people, the most important of all the building blocks to happiness. It decreases stress, strengthens the immune system, reduces pain, can help us to handle grief and other difficult situations, and can promote creativity. Laughter really is great medicine!

“Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.”
Victor Borge, Danish-born American entertainer and humorist

In fact, these days there are even such things as ‘laughter clubs’! Yes, really! The first was started by Indian physician Dr Madan Kataria in Bombay in 1995, because he was so convinced of the therapeutic effects of laughter - www.laughteryoga.org. At first he told funny stories but, when he ran out of source material, he began to incorporate yoga stretches and then tried encouraging people to laugh for no reason at all! There are now 1800 laughter clubs in India, and 700 more outside India, from New York and Finland to the Philippines. Including several in the UK:

Hertfordshire - www.unitedmind.co.uk
Bristol - www.bristollaughterclub.com
London - www.laughteryoga.co.uk
Manchester - www.writelaugh.co.uk
Wiltshire - www.thelaughterschool.com
Scotland - www.laughteryogascotland.co.uk

Of course, if there isn’t one in your area, you could always look into setting one up - formally or informally! Just get a bunch of mates together and make funny faces at each other to start the laughter ball rolling. Don’t worry about what you look like - just release your inner child and let go!

7. Learn a few really good jokes, and share them

Are you the person with the ‘killer’ joke that has everyone in stitches, or the person who can never quite remember the punchline! There’s nothing quite like a good belly laugh (for all the reasons we mentioned earlier) and there’s nothing quite like a good joke for creating one!

If you don’t already have a repertoire of reliable jokes, it’s time to do some research. Search the web, read joke books, ask friends ... and write down any joke that really makes you laugh. Test them out on other people to narrow it down to a shortlist, and then memorise the best few. Again, it may all seem a bit too scientific, but you’ll feel so much better when you know that, if push comes to shove, you’ve always got a cracker of a joke up your sleeve! All you have to do then is use them. Spread the laughter and share your jokes!

8. Create your own comedy store

Build up a library of comedy videos / DVDs, and make sure you watch them on a regular basis. In fact, why not invite a few friends round, get the popcorn in (have it plain and it’s a relatively healthy snack!) and settle down for a good giggle?! It’s definitely better for your mental health than watching the news.

You can also build up a ‘funny box’ full of photos, cartoons, jokes and amusing stories you’ve written down, your children’s entertaining little sayings recorded on dictaphone, anything that brings a smile to your face. Then, on those dark grey days when the world seems a bit depressing, you only have to bring out your box and you’ll soon feel brighter.

9. Do something different

Change your habits and routines and you create new opportunities for fun to happen. For example, try brushing your teeth with your other hand - that’s a good laugh! Go a different way to work and focus on noticing, and enjoying, your new route. Take up a new hobby - ice skating, salsa dancing, synchronised swimming - because first attempts at anything new can reduce you to hysterical laughter! And, on top of that, if you find an activity that you really enjoy and that involves a degree of skill, you’re more likely to get into ‘flow’. Most people would call this a kind of fun! (See Find your flow for more information.)

10. Re-discover the ‘kid’ in you!

The more you can live in ‘play’ mode, rather than ‘fast forward’ or ‘rewind’, the more fun you’ll find and the happier you’ll be. Watch your little ones and learn from how they approach life. They tend to make the most of every moment. Small children, in particular, won’t miss an opportunity for fun just because they should be getting ready for nursery or school! They don’t worry about what they look or sound like, or whether they’re playing by the rules or being the best. So go on, get back in touch with your ‘inner child’ (as the psychotherapists like to call it)! Do things like finger painting, trampolining, blowing bubbles and having pillow fights. Be spontaneous, be frivolous, dare to be funny. Give yourself permission to have fun. You deserve it.